Troubles

I need to write  a couple of things.   It's a little risky but WTF, I have nothing to lose that I haven't already lost.   The bills continue to pile up and it's been so long since I've had steady work, I'm starting to doubt it will ever happen.  Every day, I feel energy going to waste and either guilty or sad about my domestic situation.   Take tonight.  She gets home at 11:30  and will spend an hour or so reading her email and a couple of chapters of a book and be, once again, exhausted when she leaves for the office in the morning.  It's like this for her  every day.  She no longer enjoys her work and is frightened when clients look like they might quit or take a break.  She's become a bray animal.  I used to think of her laughing.  

It's like watching Secretariat pulling a tourist wagon through Central Park.  As for me, nobody in my former profession will hire me because of abusing, crazy days back when.  Days which ended more than ten years ago, but I guess the memories are vivid for all the witnesses.   In any event, removing that occupation from consideration leaves me craving any job at all.  I'm terrible at selling myself and with no experience in any other line of work I'm even anxious about the bookstore interview coming up later in the month.  I'm thinking about what to wear!   Whether I wear black or brown shoes are probably not at issue.  I don't  have the slightest idea of how to run a cash register (my wife pointed this out).  I've never had a retail job and don't really fit the specs.  I think you have to be friendly and outgoing and maybe know a few things about the stock.  But hey, everybody's got a story.  Right?  Boo hoo.